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I first bought this in black (of course) only to find out later that the Military Green item comes with Orange-Belt-level karate skills. But all I had to do was ship the black one back to Amazon and a few days later...BOOM! Now I can go to the ATM after dark with confidence and a great sense of responsibility.
Thank you, Emily Oster! For years I have been saying that binge drinking while pregnant does no harm to the baby. I have binged on everything from tequilla sunrises to furniture polish while pregnant, and all 9 of my children are as retarded as sponge hammer. But if the alcohol was truly responsible, then surely one of the little brats would have gotten lucky by now, right? It's improbable they would all be retarded, so therefore something other than the alcohol must be to blame, like stupid genes of their 9 good for nothing loser dads.
Anyway, Emily Oster has finally unearthed the evidence that exposes the conspiracy against alcohol in the medical community. They're all in the pockets the big soda manufacturers, milk distributors, and baby formula producers. I love alcohol, and I don't see why I can't share the things I love with my kids.
So, I say again, thank you, Emily Oster, knight of truth, protector of vice, and mother of babies. The fascists from NOFASD should go live in Saudi Arabia where there hysterics will be appreciated.